Winter vacation!

Well, it's been a fun-packed week here in the freezing US. In a sneaky move by the Jewish schools over here, they take ten days off towards the end of January, rather than in December over the festive season. The official reason is that Jewish schools should not be bound by non-Jewish holidays, etc, etc, etc, but I think we all know that the real reason is that holidays are cheaper when it's off-peak.

So off we went on Monday to a place called "Great Wolf Lodge", a huge indoor waterpark complex about an hour away, in Pennsylvania. As you can imagine this place was swarming with like-minded modern orthodox American families. We knew it would be a bit of a "scene", but luckily we don't know very many people in this country so we could wander around enjoying blissful anonymity. Of course, this was not the case for most of the American crowd, who could be seen dodging old camp buddies and ex-girlfriends at every turn. In fact, a friend here said that Great Wolf Lodge during the winter vacation is like "shul in a swimsuit". I think a slightly more accurate description would be "shul in a burkini". Any woman there in normal swimming attire must have felt like a freak!

Food was nice and easy. In true American, "let's make everything ultra-convenient"-style, there were not one, but TWO kosher restaurants delivering food to the hotel every evening. Order by 2pm and receive your dinner at 6pm. It may have been cold and soggy, but it just about passed as food and it meant that we didn't have to worry about cooking, so we embraced it.

In addition to the insane water slides, wave pool, jacuzzis and general swimming fun, the hotel and surrounding area had lots of other family-friendly facilities and the kids really had a blast. And of course, by "kids" I mean Avrom. This holiday was the realisation of his dream - huge waterslides and an afternoon of snowtubing.

For the uninitiated, snowtubing is when you hurtle down a snow-covered hill sitting in a big rubber ring. Sounds like fun, right? For some reason, and despite his usual cautious, risk-averse nature, Avrom had been dreaming of doing this since we came in August, and he was thrilled to discover that the country's largest snowtubing park was only five minutes from our hotel. I'm not sure what my kids spiked my coffee with yesterday morning but by 2pm I somehow found myself at the top of a hill, rubber ring in hand, and nowhere to go but down. So down I went, and it was absolutely terrifying. I discovered that it was slightly less terrifying when I went in a "train" with other members of the family as the rubber ring didn't turn around, so I forced a reluctant Tzofia to go with me every time. She actually realised early on that it was all a lot less petrifying if you keep your eyes tight shut. Very wise words.

We went up and down, repeating this process for about an hour and a half, with Eitan and Avrom trying ever-more daring techniques, such as head-first, on the stomach, backwards etc. I kept gently reminding Avrom that he's an old man and needs to be careful, but there was no talking to him and he brazenly ignored my pleas. Thankfully, he somehow managed to survive the experience with all his limbs intact, as did the rest of the family. Luckily, the weather was on my side, as it was a cool minus 15 degrees Celsius (about 5 degrees Fahrenheit), so we had to leave slightly earlier than Avrom had hoped, in order to avoid our blood actually freezing inside our veins. Here's a pic of the Gilberts, pre-reckless behaviour. As you can see, I was still smiling at this point.

We left Great Wolf Lodge today, after 3 days of fun. It was a good holiday and a great place to go, though if you happen to be reading this and you're not Jewish, I would recommend you avoid the 3rd week of January.

Have a great week everyone!

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Late again...

Sorry - no excuses this time. I'm just getting lazy.

All is fine here. Getting through the winter. We are still not enjoying the cold weather. But we are getting a thrill out of the fact that the house is actually warm (unlike in Israel) and it is generally sunny here (unlike in England), despite the temperature.

I seem to have spent a fair amount of time shopping here recently. I still find myself in the supermarket more often than I'd like. This week I noticed something quite strange in my local supermarket. They sell scrubs - the clothes that surgeons and other medical types wear in hospitals. It struck me as odd to see them on sale in the supermarket. Anyway, I got one for each of us. You never know...

By far the most entertaining thing in my local supermarket here is the fresh vegetable section. Periodically, the vegetables in the fridge get automatically sprayed with a light mist, presumably to keep them fresh. That's not the funny bit. For some reason, the people running this supermarket decided that it would be an excellent idea to add some sound effects to this process. So, every few minutes you hear the sound of crashing thunder as the vegetables are sprayed. It is actually hilarious. I should really film it for you all. It cracks me up every time I go there. People must think I'm a bit deranged as I chuckle to myself while choosing my broccoli.

In other news, Leora and I went to see the Les Miserables film last week. I thought of going with Avrom, but I was worried that his snoring might be distracting for everyone else. (Also, I really couldn't be bothered to explain the story to him.) Leora and I were pretty excited and the film did not disappoint. Unfortunately there was a ton of traffic so we only just made it in time, and ended up sitting in the third row. [Side note: Why don't they have assigned seating in US cinemas? Is the freedom to choose where you sit protected by one of the amendments? Wouldn't be surprised...] One thing you should know about this Les Miz film is that it is full of VERY close shots of the actors. Sitting in Row 3, Leora and I at times felt dangerously close to Hugh Jackman's nostrils. Anyway, loved the film, did not love Russell Crowe. See this 1.5-minute clip for details (If you receive this by email, you may need to click through to the blog to see this clip.):

Talking about films, I have had fun here over the last few weeks, showing my kids some movies that I believe they should see. So far, we've been through The Sound of Music, ET, Back to the Future and half of Oliver! Sunday evenings are particularly good for this (sorry, Israelis - didn't mean to rub it in) and it makes me feel like I am giving my children an education, of sorts. It almost doesn't count as screen time, right? Somehow, Avrom has missed all of these so far, due to work trips, but I'll make sure to include him next time. It was funny to watch ET and Back to the Future with the kids. They kept laughing at how backwards life was in the 80s. They definitely succeeded in making me feel really old and decrepit.

Anyway, I'd better go and put my teeth in and take out my curlers.
Have a great week!

Absence Explained

Hi everyone,

Sorry I've been out of touch for a little while. I didn't manage to write anything last Sunday evening as we were too busy celebrating my parents' 50th wedding anniversary. Fifty years - that's a long time! Woohoo - mazal tov (and well done) to them!!! Actually, to be more precise, on Sunday evening we were too busy recovering from the celebrations, which took place in London, on Sunday afternoon. I'm very pleased to report that all aspects of the festivities went very well indeed, better than the wedding itself, in fact, which took place at the start of the "Big Freeze" in London in the winter of 1962, under 6 feet of snow.

We flew in from here on Christmas Day, and my sister and her family came in from Australia. (I also have 2 siblings who actually live in London.) My one-and-only uncle also flew in from the US, which was a lot of fun for everyone. It was the first time all 10 of my parents' grandchildren had ever been together, and it was a very special few days. We put together a few cheesy songs about my parents, to the tunes of some of the classics from The Sound of Music. They were well received, but I will spare your eyes and ears and refrain from posting a link to the "performance". You had to be there...and luckily for the majority of you, you weren't.

The rest of the 6-day trip was a whirlwind of visiting and being visited by family, and seeing a few old friends. We didn't try any ambitious day trips and managed to stay in north-west London the entire time. Easy! For the first time ever, we greatly enjoyed the weather in London which was several very significant degrees higher than the insane winter temperatures we have recently become accustomed to here in Teaneck. It was great not to have to take our ski gloves with us every time we left the house. But of course it was still miserable and gloomy and depressing as only England can be.

I am very proud to say that we made it onto our correct return flight to JFK, and avoided a repeat performance of the shameful flight-missing debacle back in August. But it was obvious that my children have  lost that awe and respect that kids usually have for their parents' innate ability to successfully navigate the travelling process. This time, we just let the children take charge - I can no longer be trusted. Avrom, of course, is a seasoned traveller, but, crucially, he is used to travelling alone, and that is quite a different experience from travelling with 5 family members, some of whom are quite small and have rather short legs that can't keep up with his freakishly long ones. He is also not used to having to converse and interact with people on aeroplanes, especially people such as his wife, or other close relatives. He does not appreciate this particular duty.

Coming back from London to our place here, instead of going back to Ra'anana, was a little odd. It wasn't quite like coming home, but it was nicely familiar and - once the heating was on - quite cozy. And I was pleased to be reacquainted with my over-sized washing machine. It was nice to have been in a place for a week where people didn't think we talked funny and we could buy proper Cadbury's chocolate whenever we fancied. On the other hand I think the children were quite happy to return to their lovely American school and their mini-celebrity status as exotic foreigners.

I took the kids into school at around 9.30 the morning after we arrived back, and Tzofia slipped straight into her Zumba class. Yes - Zumba for 5-year olds. Welcome back to America!