Outrageously long catch-up post. You might want to read this in several installments.

It's been quite a long time since I've written here, and I humbly apologise for the prolonged absence from the blog. I must say it's been heartwarming to receive so many messages of concern for our well-being. (Yes, in case it wasn't clear, that was sarcastic.) Worry not, all is well with the Teaneck Gilberts. I've just been lazy.

The last few weeks have included all the various Israeli "days" (Yom HaShoah, Yom Hazikaron and Yom HaAtzmaut), Lag BaOmer and an impromptu weekend trip to London for my niece's bat mitzva. In fact, I'm writing this on the flight back to the US. My more astute readers will have correctly inferred from the fact that I am accomplishing something while on an aeroplane, that I went to London alone and left Avrom holding the fort back home. Obviously it was hard to wrench myself away from my husband and children, and travelling on my own has been quite an ordeal. On the flight here I had to watch a whole film and read a book completely uninterrupted. I didn't get to play even one game of Top Trumps and so far no-one has asked me to accompany them to the toilet. It's all very unsettling.

In addition to the delights of child-free travel, my weekend in London was a great success. It was very special to be able to celebrate with my fantastic niece, Rebecca, who had put in months of hard work to prepare for her leyning and readings in shul. She did an incredible job and wowed us all. I had my first ever experience of a Reform shul service, which was surprisingly not very weird at all and I enjoyed every minute. In addition to seeing Rebecca perform so brilliantly, I particularly enjoyed watching my sister (no, not the Rebbetzin, the other one) walking round the shul carrying the Sefer Torah, and my mother opening the Aron! And I am very grateful to Simon and Nic, my lovely Finchley friends, for their wonderful hospitality.

The non-bat mitzva parts of the weekend were taken up with running around North-West London visiting family and a few friends. Of particular note was a delightful hour spent late on motzei shabbat with old friends, Tania and Daniel Marcus. I hope this has satisfied Daniel's request for a named mention on this blog. I was going to tell him that to get a mention here he has to do something outrageous and noteworthy but then, knowing Daniel, I thought better of it.

I also managed to squeeze in a much-needed haircut while in London, my first since I developed a mild case of hairdresser-phobia after my ill-fated cut in October. Thankfully, this one was a success and I shall be returning to my family looking less like a crazed banshee, though probably still sounding like one.

Anyway, enough about England - you didn't come here to hear about that. I will quickly recap what's been going on over here over the last few weeks.

Well, the most exciting news is that the weather has finally become normal and spring has arrived. It is no longer insanely cold and we can now venture outside without seeing our own breath or developing frostbite. While we greatly enjoyed the stunning autumn colours back in October, we really feel that we have earned the beautiful spring blossom that we have been seeing over the last couple of weeks. It's gorgeous and long overdue. And not only are the trees pretty, but there are bunnies jumping around the lawns in Teaneck, and I have even left the house once or twice without my coat!

Gilbert kids and blossom in Central Park

The improved weather has opened up a host of new Sunday outing opportunities and we've really had a fun few weeks. A couple of weeks ago we rented bikes in Central Park and felt very wholesome as all six of us cycled, von Trapp-like, around the park, giving a charming rendition of Doe A Deer. In preparation, I sewed lovely outfits for the children out of the curtains. The atmosphere in the park that day was really buzzing, as seemingly the whole of New York had come out of hibernation and was enjoying seeing other humans and the outside world again after months of isolation. We also watched in awe as the Central Park Roller Skaters did their thing - another quintessential NY experience to tick off the list.

Blurry iPhone picture of the von Gilberts being active. 

Last Sunday we checked out the Lower East Side of Manhattan and the Tenement Museum. Of course, when the kids asked me about our plans on Sunday morning I had to skirt around the issue and tell them that we were "taking a tour". It has unfortunately reached the point that mentioning the M-word brings them out in hives - they have developed an irrational intolerance for museums and the like. Which is weird, because they have actually had a great time at all these places.

In fact, the Tenement Museum is not at all museum-like and everyone had a blast. We were shown around an actual tiny tenement apartment by a brilliant actress playing a 14 year-old Jewish immigrant, who described what life was like for her and her family at the beginning of the 20th century. It was totally interactive and was one of the most innovative and engaging places we've visited so far - I don't think the kids will ever forget it. Of course Avrom might forget it as he ended up missing the tour. Long story - don't ask.

We have plenty more New York-y things planned before we leave at the end of June. We welcome any suggestions if you think we may be overlooking something earth-shattering.

By far the weirdest part of the trip so far (apart from the crazy coffee shoppers) was being outside of Israel for all the "Yoms". Having been in Israel for the last 13 years, we have become used to the solemn and sometimes eerie atmosphere throughout the country on Yom HaShoah and Yom HaZikaron. Understandably there was none of that here, but it just felt very odd to be away from it all, and all the other Israelis that I spoke to felt exactly the same way. The Teaneck Jewish community held a lovely Yom HaZikaron/Yom HaAtzmaut ceremony and party in the evening at one of the local shuls, which we really enjoyed. It was a wholly different experience from the usual Park Raanana craziness, but it was fun and it certainly marked the day appropriately. It was amusing to note that by about 9pm pretty much the only people left in the hall were the Israeli families and a few die-hard simcha dancers. I understand that the next day was a school day, but why is it that American kids need more sleep than Israeli kids? Maybe the American kids should eat more hummus.

As I mentioned, the kids had school on Yom HaAtzmaut, which didn't impress them at all. Luckily there was no actual studying and they had lots of Israel-related activities and fun, so they didn't feel too hard done by. It was strange wishing them Hag Sameach as I waved them off on the bus to school. The school PTA ran a big Yom HaAtzmaut event in the late afternoon, for which Avrom left work early. (I know - it's very shocking.) It was a nice way to spend the afternoon, but I can't say that we didn't miss the obligatory Israeli barbecue and the general Yom HaAtzmaut excitement in Israel.

As for Lag BaOmer, I haven't got a lot to report, since I was in London for it. All I know is that Avrom took the kids to a barbecue organised by the local Israeli contingent and they had a great time. And more to the point they did not have a bonfire! Yay! Let's add that to the list of "things we like about being in America". The kids were supposed to go for a big Lag BaOmer outing with the school yesterday (Monday), but sadly it was rained off and has been postponed by three days. They were a bit upset, but don't worry, the whole school was treated to a massive ice-cream-fest to make up for it. Who says kids these days can't deal with disappointment?

The other bit of news is that last week my little baby celebrated her 6th birthday, which makes me officially old. Of course the other thing that makes me officially old is that in a few weeks I will be turning 40. (Which is bad news for my mum as that means that her baby is turning 40, so you can't even imagine how old that makes her.) Tzofia had a great birthday and benefited from the abundance of not outrageously expensive toys here in the US, and received an impressive collection of plastic stuff. (She was a little disappointed that she didn't receive anything from her wishlist, which consisted of an iPhone, a real aeroplane and a real pony. So, if you're thinking of getting her a little something, you could pick one of those.)

I also got to experience my last ever gan birthday party, which gave me the opportunity to compare the US version with the roughly 15 Israeli gan birthday parties I've had the pleasure of attending over the years. They were quite different.

First, effort-wise, the US party wins hands down. All I had to do was provide some donuts and two photos of Tzofia. Easy. I was not presented with a complex list of provisions to purchase, and I was not asked to bake or decorate a cake. How I missed that.

Israeli parties are full of elaborate songs, dances and bizarre rituals, whereas here there was about 45 seconds of dancing around in a circle, after which everyone got to sit down and eat their donut. (Donuts are a very big deal here - I don't really get it.) While they were eating, I was asked to read out all the wishes that the children had written for Tzofia, which was very sweet. I think my favourite was "I wish Tzofia a horse." Then the children played a "compare the photos" game where they had to highlight similarities and differences between the photo of Tzofia as a baby and a recent photo of her. I was surprised that no-one mentioned the blindingly obvious difference that as a baby she was completely freakishly bald, whereas now she has an impressive head of curls. I guess they have been brought up to be polite.

Bald baby Tzofia, but the dimples make up for it

The other big difference of course was that there were only 15 kids in the class, in contrast to the mammoth 35 in the Israeli ganim. I don't need to spell out the implications of this.

All in all, it was a lovely party and she enjoyed being the center of attention, though I can't help but wonder if she'll always be a little emotionally scarred because she didn't get to jump through plastic hoops to the tune of hop-hop-tra-la-la on turning 6.

My 6 year-old baby (and her elderly mummy)

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I am finishing off this very long post safely back in Teaneck and I can report that Avrom coped admirably in my absence. All the kids are alive and well and things are looking pretty good in the house. One of the first things I noticed when I arrived home was half an enormous chocolate cake in the fridge. I immediately understood that Avrom must have paid a visit to his favourite place in the whole of America: Costco. I truly cannot comprehend what he sees in that shop, but he absolutely loves it and I am not at all surprised that he ran there as soon as my back was turned. (Apparently it's a male thing - we have found out that most men around here love shopping there. Weird.) I haven't yet asked him why he bought this ridiculously huge cake, and in fact I don't completely blame him. It's odd, but once you're inside Costco, sizes and proportions become strangely distorted. Because the place is so big, and all the products are sold in such huge packages, you forget what ordinary sizes are like and enormous things start to look normal. He probably thought it was a regular-sized cake.

Sorry this has been so ridiculously long. I'll try to be a bit more concise in future. Well done to anyone who has made it all the way to the end!

Hope everyone has a great week!

Pesach, Teaneck-style

I was told by an ex-Teaneck friend that my "Pesach in Teaneck" blog post would "write itself". I really wish it had actually written itself as I've been much too busy to do it. Thankfully, I have now had a few days to recover and can now fill you in on our news from the last few weeks.

Pesach here was a big success, largely due to the fact that we were joined by lots of extra Gilberts: Uncle Arieh (Avrom's brother) and Auntie Alyssa flew in from London, bringing with them an assortment of adorable children of different ages to keep our kids entertained (as well as a hugely unattractive matza kippa for Avrom, who insisted on wearing it throughout the festival, just to embarrass the kids). So, for 12 days (not that I was counting) we became a family of 12, living, commune-like, in our house on Mercedes Street. We had plenty of time to hang out at home and have fun together, what with all the bonus yom-tov days that we were entitled to over here in the Diaspora.

We did manage to find a few moments when it wasn't yom-tov or Shabbat and squeezed in a bit of tourist-y stuff with our guests. We were able to tick off a few more items from our NYC wish-list. We waved at the Statue of Liberty from the Staten Island Ferry (the Statue is still closed due to Sandy), went up to the top of the Rockefeller Center and ooh-ed and aah-ed a lot at all the big buildings and tiny people, hung out in Times Square and felt sorry for the people dressed up as Elmo and the Statue of Liberty (not the first time, but it never gets old), ate matza sandwiches and learnt to juggle in Bryant Park, snooped around the very fancy New York Public Library, and had fun at the Manhattan Children's Museum. This was not all in one day.

Lots of Gilbert cousins

Obligatory picture of  Leora holding the Empire State Building

This was all lots of fun of course, but  it didn't compare to the dozens of joyful trips I was fortunate enough to make to the various supermarkets and kosher shops, to stock up on provisions for the enlarged Gilbert family. I had tried to be organised and do most of the shopping before everyone arrived on the Thursday before Pesach, but my brain is not really big enough to plan and prepare for that many meals for that many people, so I had to keep going back for more. It was a bit nerve-wracking as I'd been warned by some locals that the shops run out of some Pesach things during Pesach and they don't get more in, so I should really be very organised. At one point I was looking at the Pesach margarine in one of the supermarkets, and a woman appeared from nowhere and leaned in, whispering to me conspiratorially, "If you want that, buy it quickly, they've run out of it everywhere else." I quickly grabbed a few boxes and got out before I could be mugged by any crazed Teaneck women desperate to bake more Pesach brownies.

According to my local sources, Dunkin Donuts plays a surprisingly large role in Teaneck Pesach tradition. On Erev Pesach we fulfilled our halachic obligation of eating Dunkin Donuts for breakfast. As you can imagine, Avrom was thrilled to be sent there at 7.30am. However, I'm embarrassed to say that we missed the equally important post-Pesach Dunkin Donuts rush. I hope that we will be forgiven by the Dunkin gods - we were not being deliberately dismissive of the local minhag. We will make sure to consume double the usual amount this week as penance for our terrible transgression.

Sadly, our guests went back to snowy London on Wednesday and our house suddenly seems incredibly quiet and tidy. There were one or two note-worthy incidents during their stay here, such as when I quickly rinsed the stone floor in the kitchen just before yom-tov, and 3 of our 4 young nieces and nephews slipped and went flying, one after the other, like a bad slap-stick routine. Obviously I felt horribly guilty about it, until I noticed their own parents sniggering in the corner, unable to stifle their own laughter, at which point I realised that I would probably be forgiven. Luckily their kids are quite bouncy. The highlight of the seders (yes - seders, plural) was a fantastic game of "Dayenu Madness" (suggested by Alyssa's brother), where each person recites a verse in a different style handed out on little pieces of paper (Gangnam-style dayenu, operatic dayenu, American-accent dayenu, etc etc), just like they did in the shtetl. There were props and masks sent over from London by Grandma, and an amazingly realistic re-enactment of the exodus story, masterfully directed by Arieh. Tzofia's portrayal of Pharaoh was insightful, and Leora played an incredibly convincing stick.

Now things are getting back to normal here. The kids are back at school and I have ventured back into the shops and the kitchen, after swearing blind that I would never buy a potato or an egg again. We're looking forward to the last few months of our American adventure, and are trying to plan a bit of travelling before we leave. We have some ideas, but if you have any suggestions for us, we'd be happy to receive them.

Have a great week!