How American Are We?

Hello everyone.

Now that we've been here for a pretty significant chunk of time, some people back home have been wondering whether we've started to become very "Teaneck". (I know they've been wondering that because they've actually asked me.)

Well, for a start, I am still perfectly capable of going about my daily business without a huge cup of Starbucks in my hand, so I think I'm doing OK. I marvel at the women I see walking around doing the most unlikely, and frankly inconvenient, things with a cup of coffee in hand. It's tricky to manoeuvre a shopping trolley (=cart) around the narrow aisles of the kosher supermarket while holding a cup of scalding coffee. It's almost impossible to carry a baby in a car-seat, a big bag of bagels and a cup of hot coffee AND hold a 2 year-old's hand while crossing the road, and yet I have witnessed this very act myself. Everywhere I go I seem to come across more and more daredevil acts of coffee addiction. At the beginning of our trip here I asked one of the locals which is the better of the two local Targets. She was adamant that one was "much more fun" because it has a Starbucks.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not anti-coffee - I'm just not very good at juggling coffee with trolleys and children and a handbag and shopping bags and credit cards and keys and phones, and I'm not sure I'm prepared to put in the practice to become good at it. I'll just have my coffee sitting down, thanks.

I can honestly say that I haven't had even one manicure since I've been here. And I've only had that one disastrous haircut, which I'm pleased to say has finally grown out. Plus, the clothes shopping overwhelms me. So, grooming-wise, I'm not exactly typical Teaneck. As for the kids, they try not to stick out as the Israelis in town, and their American accents are passable when required, though they STILL get a kick out of being the novelty Brits. They are very good at reading and speaking Hebrew with a thick American accent, just the way they hear it in school. I'm sorry but it's really not a pleasant sound. I know they only do it to wind me up, but it really works.

I don't think Avrom has really embraced the Teaneck thing - he has no interest in sport in general, let alone American sport, and will not be drawn into a conversation about it. (We tried to watch the Superbowl on Sunday night. Didn't make it past Beyonce, I'm afraid.) However, he can talk a good talk about the Jewish school fees (=tuition) "crisis", so he's half-way there. We were warned before we came that sport and school fees were the only two topics discussed over Shabbat meals, and I must say that was a scarily accurate assessment.

We are still trying our best to take advantage of Sundays. This week we spent Sunday afternoon at MOMI - the Museum of the Moving Image, in New York, which was fun and a little bit educational. The highlights were seeing the bodysuit worn by Robin Williams in Mrs Doubtfire and one of Bill Cosby's famous sweaters, making our own stop-motion animation films and being the voice of Dorothy in a scene from the Wizard of Oz.

Last Sunday was Avrom's birthday, so we played a bit of glow-in-the-dark minigolf and then came home and played with our new chocolate fountain, which I had found in the clearance aisle in Bed, Bath and Beyond. I felt that a chocolate fountain would substantially add to our American experience - and it really did.

In the evening of Avrom's birthday, Avrom and I went out to see a show. I'm sure you are picturing us sitting in a beautiful theatre on Broadway enjoying some fabulous musical. Well, that's not quite an accurate depiction. Someone from Avrom's work recommended a show called Fuerza Bruta, so he booked a couple of tickets. Unfortunately, it turned out that the show was far too cool for the likes of us. First, there were no seats. At all. The audience stood for the entire performance in the middle of the theatre, being herded around the area like cattle, while the show took place around us. I'm not going to attempt a proper review of the show, except to say that there was lots of really weird stuff, coupled with some very annoying music and flashing lights. I can honestly say that I didn't have the first clue what was happening at any point, and I suspect that a certain amount of alcohol or drugs were a prerequisite for appreciating what these people were doing. It was definitely the closest thing to a rave that we'll ever see. I don't think we were the target audience....

The good thing is that any show we see from now on will almost certainly be a positive experience. The bar has been set pretty low: As long as I can sit down, I will consider it a successful evening.

That's all there is to report for now. Gearing up here for a traditional Teaneck Purim. Should be interesting.

Have a great week!