Coming Home!

We are on our way home!

So sorry to spring that on everyone - I have been rather lax about updating you about our whereabouts recently. Apologies. The last few weeks have been a bit busy, with us leaving Teaneck, traveling around all sorts of wonderful places in the US, and a brief stop in London for a nice long, hot Tisha B'av without air conditioning, a couple of trips to Brent Cross and a lovely family wedding. I am, of course, writing this on the plane home. We are due to land in one hour. (Apologies to anyone we didn't manage to contact in London. Things were a little hectic. See you next time!)

Not surprisingly, leaving the US and heading home has been bittersweet. The year away has been a fantastic experience for the whole family, but we're all really looking forward to settling back into normal life in Israel, with our old friends and family, and of course our lovely, familiar, overpriced shops at the end of the road. The kids can't wait to return to the freedom of Ra'anana, though I suspect they're less excited about being sent down the road to buy potatoes every five minutes. 

By the way, you might all get a bit of a shock when you see the kids, as they've all grown a lot (in height, not spiritually) this year. It must be the Dunkin Donuts. But don't worry - there are no detectable American accents.

As Leora mentioned in her update a few weeks ago, we are going to miss lots of great things that we enjoyed in America. The good news is that we know that any time we are feeling homesick for Teaneck, we can just head straight to BKOA (shul in Ra'anana) and we'll be transported right back! 

Can't wait to catch up with everyone again back in Israel. If you are passing Sheshet Hayamim any time over the next few days (weeks?), feel free to drop by for a chat and a spot of unpacking! Our old Israeli cellphone numbers (mine and Avrom's) will be working immediately. The kids' numbers will not. No land line right now. No internet either. The kids will NOT be happy!

Thanks so much for reading our little updates. It's been fun!

See you soon!

Guest Post by Leora Gilbert

Hi everyone, Leora here. Mummy and I made a deal that if I write a blog post, she’ll finish packing up all my things- why not? I’m going to try and inform you of our latest adventures, which include a trip to Hershey, the Israel Day Parade, and a visit to the Amish, not to mention Grandma popping in from England.

On Thursday evening a couple of weeks ago, we heard a knock on the door, and Tzofia rushed to answer it. To our (the children’s) shock, in walked Grandma. It’s not every day that someone who you thought to be in England turns up on your doorstep. We decided to let her stay because it was the right thing to do. (And she had brought lots of chocolate.) We hosted Grandma for ten days, and had a lot of fun with her. Eitan and I were taken to Madame Tussauds, and had a blast taking pictures with Dwayne Johnson, Oprah Winfrey, and Jennifer Aniston. Grandma took Maya and Tzofia out for a fun day pottery painting. Grandma also came to school with us one day to teach Tzofia’s class about England, and afterwards got a tour of our Middle School building. (Grandma, once again, I apologize for my crazy friends.) Thanks for coming Grandma! (And for the chocolate!) We had such a great time.

Back in May, over Memorial day weekend, we drove to Hershey, Pennsylvania with some family friends. On the Sunday, we drove to Hershey Chocolate World, (the factory, not the theme park,) and spent the day eating chocolate, seeing chocolate being made, making chocolate, spending money on chocolate, and wondering where the Oompa Loompas were. After that tooth-rotting day, we retired back to our hotel, involving a race between the two families for a parking spot and a hot dinner provided by the mothers. On Monday we drove into the Amish area of Pennsylvania, and learned how privileged we are to have not been born Amish. Driving through, we saw lots of children working in the fields, making us realize that our chores aren’t as arduous as we thought - what’s unloading a dishwasher compared to milking a cow? I have no idea how they manage without computers, televisions, and iPads. It seems crazy.  Mummy seemed to like the idea of it though, which is probably why I’m typing this with one hand, while darning my father’s socks with the other.

A few weeks ago, when Grandma was still here, Eitan, Maya and I marched in the Israel Day Parade with the school. Coming from Ra’anana, where local schools march along Ahuza with tambourines and pom poms, this was quite the upgrade. The parade takes place along twenty blocks of 5th Ave, with over 30,000 people participating, 17 marching bands, and one million spectators. It was a great experience, and what better way to spend your Sunday than by marching for a few hours in the heat with your friends.

The last few days have been a whirlwind of packing and tearful goodbyes. Even though we only spent a year here, it felt like a lifetime- in a good way. Leaving places is always sad, and I’m going to miss it here. How am I going to survive without my Dunkin Donuts? I’m so happy that I had the chance to meet all these amazing people, but I’m still looking forward to being back in Israel with everyone I’ve missed this year- we’ve got a lot of catching up to do!

We’re really going to miss lots of things here, such as (in no particular order): our lovely American friends, the yellow school buses, the deer in the garden, the greenery of Teaneck, the amazing autumn leaves, school lunches, the pretty spring blossom, the snow (and snow days), weekly sleepover opportunities due to no school on Sundays, no school on Sundays, bunnies and chipmunks running around the front gardens, having an exotic accent, the log fire, the George Washington Bridge (Upper Level), Bumbleberry frozen yoghurt, extreme weather, the perfect yummy pineapples, school in English, Target, Snapple and Gatorade, Butterflake white ring cake, the excess food, our lovely house, the amazing school building (with CARPET!!!), iPads, smartboards and Macs in school, Daddy going crazy in Costco, Sundays in New York and Amazon shipping directly to our house. xxxxx

Happy Birthday to Me!

The Gilberts have been having lots of fun since I last wrote here about 2 weeks ago. We've visited the New York Botanical Gardens (lots of flowers, though not as many as in the streets of Ra'anana, if you ask me), and the fancy new Museum of Mathematics in NYC (lots of cool things that didn't really seem all that maths-like, but a fun afternoon nonetheless).

Some flowers

Fun at the Botanical Gardens

We also celebrated Mother's Day last Sunday. It turns out that Mother's Day over here is a very BIG DEAL, and is not shunned by religious Jews like it is in the UK. It's also taken much more seriously than "Yom Hamishpacha" ("Family Day") in Israel, which is too lazy even to distinguish between Mothers and Fathers. Maya and Tzofia made lovely cards and gifts for me at school, and Eitan made coffee and pancakes (at home). Leora cheered all their efforts and agreed with the sentiments. I quite enjoyed all the undeserved affection but the day was somewhat overshadowed by my impending "big" birthday. Yesterday (Friday), I hit the big 4-0, and officially started my decline into senility and general decrepit-ness, (though if I'm being honest I would say that the decline actually began about twenty years ago).

I had a lovely birthday: I received lots of extremely elaborate cards made by the kids and a few in the mail (snail and e-), and a new (first ever!) iPhone (together with various accessories which I don't quite understand yet). I had breakfast in Manhattan with Avrom before he ran off to the office, and then took myself off for a walk around mid-town. I had a great tour of Grand Central Terminal (not allowed to call it Grand Central Station - that refers to the subway station) and did a little bit of shopping. Back in Teaneck in the afternoon I went out for ice-cream with the kids and we enjoyed an easy take-out Shabbat at home - because cooking would not have been a fun birthday activity, quite frankly. I also spent the day receiving lots of Happy Birthday phone calls and messages, which was rather lovely.

Shavuot here went very smoothly - the big kids had shiurim until around midnight, and we had a lovely lunch at friends. Can you believe that people are still willing to invite us for meals, when they know that we're skipping the country in a couple of months? We are constantly bowled over by how kind and welcoming people have been to us here. We are quite relieved to be finished with the whole 2nd day of yom tov thing. Apparently some Israelis sneak out of the house at the crack of dawn with a fake moustache and a wig, and drive somewhere for the day. Sadly, we are not that cunning, and our 2nd day yom tov consists of Avrom working in the study, and me trying to keep the kids busy. This time they mostly went over to friends in the afternoon, but they felt very awkward, having to dress and act as if it was yom tov for them, after having spent the morning on iPods and iPads and secretly making me birthday cards. We'll be happy to get back to keeping the same yom tovs as our neighbours.

Now we are really starting to plan our return to Israel. Many people have asked me how we are feeling about leaving. The answer is that we have very mixed feelings. We are sad to be leaving friends and our lives over here, but we are also excited to get back to our lives in Israel. So, I think that is a good result. (Also, I'm quietly excited about showing all the nay-sayers in Ra'anana and London that we really did come to the US for only one year. You know who you are.) I expect I'll write a more detailed post soon about all the things we are going to miss when we leave. I imagine no school on Sundays will feature quite prominently on that list.

Have a great week everyone!

Outrageously long catch-up post. You might want to read this in several installments.

It's been quite a long time since I've written here, and I humbly apologise for the prolonged absence from the blog. I must say it's been heartwarming to receive so many messages of concern for our well-being. (Yes, in case it wasn't clear, that was sarcastic.) Worry not, all is well with the Teaneck Gilberts. I've just been lazy.

The last few weeks have included all the various Israeli "days" (Yom HaShoah, Yom Hazikaron and Yom HaAtzmaut), Lag BaOmer and an impromptu weekend trip to London for my niece's bat mitzva. In fact, I'm writing this on the flight back to the US. My more astute readers will have correctly inferred from the fact that I am accomplishing something while on an aeroplane, that I went to London alone and left Avrom holding the fort back home. Obviously it was hard to wrench myself away from my husband and children, and travelling on my own has been quite an ordeal. On the flight here I had to watch a whole film and read a book completely uninterrupted. I didn't get to play even one game of Top Trumps and so far no-one has asked me to accompany them to the toilet. It's all very unsettling.

In addition to the delights of child-free travel, my weekend in London was a great success. It was very special to be able to celebrate with my fantastic niece, Rebecca, who had put in months of hard work to prepare for her leyning and readings in shul. She did an incredible job and wowed us all. I had my first ever experience of a Reform shul service, which was surprisingly not very weird at all and I enjoyed every minute. In addition to seeing Rebecca perform so brilliantly, I particularly enjoyed watching my sister (no, not the Rebbetzin, the other one) walking round the shul carrying the Sefer Torah, and my mother opening the Aron! And I am very grateful to Simon and Nic, my lovely Finchley friends, for their wonderful hospitality.

The non-bat mitzva parts of the weekend were taken up with running around North-West London visiting family and a few friends. Of particular note was a delightful hour spent late on motzei shabbat with old friends, Tania and Daniel Marcus. I hope this has satisfied Daniel's request for a named mention on this blog. I was going to tell him that to get a mention here he has to do something outrageous and noteworthy but then, knowing Daniel, I thought better of it.

I also managed to squeeze in a much-needed haircut while in London, my first since I developed a mild case of hairdresser-phobia after my ill-fated cut in October. Thankfully, this one was a success and I shall be returning to my family looking less like a crazed banshee, though probably still sounding like one.

Anyway, enough about England - you didn't come here to hear about that. I will quickly recap what's been going on over here over the last few weeks.

Well, the most exciting news is that the weather has finally become normal and spring has arrived. It is no longer insanely cold and we can now venture outside without seeing our own breath or developing frostbite. While we greatly enjoyed the stunning autumn colours back in October, we really feel that we have earned the beautiful spring blossom that we have been seeing over the last couple of weeks. It's gorgeous and long overdue. And not only are the trees pretty, but there are bunnies jumping around the lawns in Teaneck, and I have even left the house once or twice without my coat!

Gilbert kids and blossom in Central Park

The improved weather has opened up a host of new Sunday outing opportunities and we've really had a fun few weeks. A couple of weeks ago we rented bikes in Central Park and felt very wholesome as all six of us cycled, von Trapp-like, around the park, giving a charming rendition of Doe A Deer. In preparation, I sewed lovely outfits for the children out of the curtains. The atmosphere in the park that day was really buzzing, as seemingly the whole of New York had come out of hibernation and was enjoying seeing other humans and the outside world again after months of isolation. We also watched in awe as the Central Park Roller Skaters did their thing - another quintessential NY experience to tick off the list.

Blurry iPhone picture of the von Gilberts being active. 

Last Sunday we checked out the Lower East Side of Manhattan and the Tenement Museum. Of course, when the kids asked me about our plans on Sunday morning I had to skirt around the issue and tell them that we were "taking a tour". It has unfortunately reached the point that mentioning the M-word brings them out in hives - they have developed an irrational intolerance for museums and the like. Which is weird, because they have actually had a great time at all these places.

In fact, the Tenement Museum is not at all museum-like and everyone had a blast. We were shown around an actual tiny tenement apartment by a brilliant actress playing a 14 year-old Jewish immigrant, who described what life was like for her and her family at the beginning of the 20th century. It was totally interactive and was one of the most innovative and engaging places we've visited so far - I don't think the kids will ever forget it. Of course Avrom might forget it as he ended up missing the tour. Long story - don't ask.

We have plenty more New York-y things planned before we leave at the end of June. We welcome any suggestions if you think we may be overlooking something earth-shattering.

By far the weirdest part of the trip so far (apart from the crazy coffee shoppers) was being outside of Israel for all the "Yoms". Having been in Israel for the last 13 years, we have become used to the solemn and sometimes eerie atmosphere throughout the country on Yom HaShoah and Yom HaZikaron. Understandably there was none of that here, but it just felt very odd to be away from it all, and all the other Israelis that I spoke to felt exactly the same way. The Teaneck Jewish community held a lovely Yom HaZikaron/Yom HaAtzmaut ceremony and party in the evening at one of the local shuls, which we really enjoyed. It was a wholly different experience from the usual Park Raanana craziness, but it was fun and it certainly marked the day appropriately. It was amusing to note that by about 9pm pretty much the only people left in the hall were the Israeli families and a few die-hard simcha dancers. I understand that the next day was a school day, but why is it that American kids need more sleep than Israeli kids? Maybe the American kids should eat more hummus.

As I mentioned, the kids had school on Yom HaAtzmaut, which didn't impress them at all. Luckily there was no actual studying and they had lots of Israel-related activities and fun, so they didn't feel too hard done by. It was strange wishing them Hag Sameach as I waved them off on the bus to school. The school PTA ran a big Yom HaAtzmaut event in the late afternoon, for which Avrom left work early. (I know - it's very shocking.) It was a nice way to spend the afternoon, but I can't say that we didn't miss the obligatory Israeli barbecue and the general Yom HaAtzmaut excitement in Israel.

As for Lag BaOmer, I haven't got a lot to report, since I was in London for it. All I know is that Avrom took the kids to a barbecue organised by the local Israeli contingent and they had a great time. And more to the point they did not have a bonfire! Yay! Let's add that to the list of "things we like about being in America". The kids were supposed to go for a big Lag BaOmer outing with the school yesterday (Monday), but sadly it was rained off and has been postponed by three days. They were a bit upset, but don't worry, the whole school was treated to a massive ice-cream-fest to make up for it. Who says kids these days can't deal with disappointment?

The other bit of news is that last week my little baby celebrated her 6th birthday, which makes me officially old. Of course the other thing that makes me officially old is that in a few weeks I will be turning 40. (Which is bad news for my mum as that means that her baby is turning 40, so you can't even imagine how old that makes her.) Tzofia had a great birthday and benefited from the abundance of not outrageously expensive toys here in the US, and received an impressive collection of plastic stuff. (She was a little disappointed that she didn't receive anything from her wishlist, which consisted of an iPhone, a real aeroplane and a real pony. So, if you're thinking of getting her a little something, you could pick one of those.)

I also got to experience my last ever gan birthday party, which gave me the opportunity to compare the US version with the roughly 15 Israeli gan birthday parties I've had the pleasure of attending over the years. They were quite different.

First, effort-wise, the US party wins hands down. All I had to do was provide some donuts and two photos of Tzofia. Easy. I was not presented with a complex list of provisions to purchase, and I was not asked to bake or decorate a cake. How I missed that.

Israeli parties are full of elaborate songs, dances and bizarre rituals, whereas here there was about 45 seconds of dancing around in a circle, after which everyone got to sit down and eat their donut. (Donuts are a very big deal here - I don't really get it.) While they were eating, I was asked to read out all the wishes that the children had written for Tzofia, which was very sweet. I think my favourite was "I wish Tzofia a horse." Then the children played a "compare the photos" game where they had to highlight similarities and differences between the photo of Tzofia as a baby and a recent photo of her. I was surprised that no-one mentioned the blindingly obvious difference that as a baby she was completely freakishly bald, whereas now she has an impressive head of curls. I guess they have been brought up to be polite.

Bald baby Tzofia, but the dimples make up for it

The other big difference of course was that there were only 15 kids in the class, in contrast to the mammoth 35 in the Israeli ganim. I don't need to spell out the implications of this.

All in all, it was a lovely party and she enjoyed being the center of attention, though I can't help but wonder if she'll always be a little emotionally scarred because she didn't get to jump through plastic hoops to the tune of hop-hop-tra-la-la on turning 6.

My 6 year-old baby (and her elderly mummy)

 -----------------------------

I am finishing off this very long post safely back in Teaneck and I can report that Avrom coped admirably in my absence. All the kids are alive and well and things are looking pretty good in the house. One of the first things I noticed when I arrived home was half an enormous chocolate cake in the fridge. I immediately understood that Avrom must have paid a visit to his favourite place in the whole of America: Costco. I truly cannot comprehend what he sees in that shop, but he absolutely loves it and I am not at all surprised that he ran there as soon as my back was turned. (Apparently it's a male thing - we have found out that most men around here love shopping there. Weird.) I haven't yet asked him why he bought this ridiculously huge cake, and in fact I don't completely blame him. It's odd, but once you're inside Costco, sizes and proportions become strangely distorted. Because the place is so big, and all the products are sold in such huge packages, you forget what ordinary sizes are like and enormous things start to look normal. He probably thought it was a regular-sized cake.

Sorry this has been so ridiculously long. I'll try to be a bit more concise in future. Well done to anyone who has made it all the way to the end!

Hope everyone has a great week!

Pesach, Teaneck-style

I was told by an ex-Teaneck friend that my "Pesach in Teaneck" blog post would "write itself". I really wish it had actually written itself as I've been much too busy to do it. Thankfully, I have now had a few days to recover and can now fill you in on our news from the last few weeks.

Pesach here was a big success, largely due to the fact that we were joined by lots of extra Gilberts: Uncle Arieh (Avrom's brother) and Auntie Alyssa flew in from London, bringing with them an assortment of adorable children of different ages to keep our kids entertained (as well as a hugely unattractive matza kippa for Avrom, who insisted on wearing it throughout the festival, just to embarrass the kids). So, for 12 days (not that I was counting) we became a family of 12, living, commune-like, in our house on Mercedes Street. We had plenty of time to hang out at home and have fun together, what with all the bonus yom-tov days that we were entitled to over here in the Diaspora.

We did manage to find a few moments when it wasn't yom-tov or Shabbat and squeezed in a bit of tourist-y stuff with our guests. We were able to tick off a few more items from our NYC wish-list. We waved at the Statue of Liberty from the Staten Island Ferry (the Statue is still closed due to Sandy), went up to the top of the Rockefeller Center and ooh-ed and aah-ed a lot at all the big buildings and tiny people, hung out in Times Square and felt sorry for the people dressed up as Elmo and the Statue of Liberty (not the first time, but it never gets old), ate matza sandwiches and learnt to juggle in Bryant Park, snooped around the very fancy New York Public Library, and had fun at the Manhattan Children's Museum. This was not all in one day.

Lots of Gilbert cousins

Obligatory picture of  Leora holding the Empire State Building

This was all lots of fun of course, but  it didn't compare to the dozens of joyful trips I was fortunate enough to make to the various supermarkets and kosher shops, to stock up on provisions for the enlarged Gilbert family. I had tried to be organised and do most of the shopping before everyone arrived on the Thursday before Pesach, but my brain is not really big enough to plan and prepare for that many meals for that many people, so I had to keep going back for more. It was a bit nerve-wracking as I'd been warned by some locals that the shops run out of some Pesach things during Pesach and they don't get more in, so I should really be very organised. At one point I was looking at the Pesach margarine in one of the supermarkets, and a woman appeared from nowhere and leaned in, whispering to me conspiratorially, "If you want that, buy it quickly, they've run out of it everywhere else." I quickly grabbed a few boxes and got out before I could be mugged by any crazed Teaneck women desperate to bake more Pesach brownies.

According to my local sources, Dunkin Donuts plays a surprisingly large role in Teaneck Pesach tradition. On Erev Pesach we fulfilled our halachic obligation of eating Dunkin Donuts for breakfast. As you can imagine, Avrom was thrilled to be sent there at 7.30am. However, I'm embarrassed to say that we missed the equally important post-Pesach Dunkin Donuts rush. I hope that we will be forgiven by the Dunkin gods - we were not being deliberately dismissive of the local minhag. We will make sure to consume double the usual amount this week as penance for our terrible transgression.

Sadly, our guests went back to snowy London on Wednesday and our house suddenly seems incredibly quiet and tidy. There were one or two note-worthy incidents during their stay here, such as when I quickly rinsed the stone floor in the kitchen just before yom-tov, and 3 of our 4 young nieces and nephews slipped and went flying, one after the other, like a bad slap-stick routine. Obviously I felt horribly guilty about it, until I noticed their own parents sniggering in the corner, unable to stifle their own laughter, at which point I realised that I would probably be forgiven. Luckily their kids are quite bouncy. The highlight of the seders (yes - seders, plural) was a fantastic game of "Dayenu Madness" (suggested by Alyssa's brother), where each person recites a verse in a different style handed out on little pieces of paper (Gangnam-style dayenu, operatic dayenu, American-accent dayenu, etc etc), just like they did in the shtetl. There were props and masks sent over from London by Grandma, and an amazingly realistic re-enactment of the exodus story, masterfully directed by Arieh. Tzofia's portrayal of Pharaoh was insightful, and Leora played an incredibly convincing stick.

Now things are getting back to normal here. The kids are back at school and I have ventured back into the shops and the kitchen, after swearing blind that I would never buy a potato or an egg again. We're looking forward to the last few months of our American adventure, and are trying to plan a bit of travelling before we leave. We have some ideas, but if you have any suggestions for us, we'd be happy to receive them.

Have a great week!

Chag Sameach!!!

Just a very quick post to say Chag Sameach to everyone. Been a little busy here - had to make Pesach from scratch and buy all new stuff, plus we have Avrom's brother and family from London staying with us for two weeks. So there's been a lot going on. It's been great fun so far, but there hasn't been much time available to write here. I'll fill everyone in on what we've been up to when I get some time.

Looking forward to next Pesach back in sunny Raanana, instead of sleety Teaneck!
Wishing you all a Chag Sameach!

"MOMA? Check."

These were Avrom's words as we left MOMA (the Museum of Modern Art) in Manhattan last Sunday afternoon, after two hours of baffled art "appreciation". You see, we Gilberts are simple folk, and hence many of the exhibits struck us as odd, rather than impressive. We had instructed the kids not to make too many "I could do that!" or "How is that art?" pronouncements during our visit, but at times it was a little hard to argue with them. How do you explain a 20-foot yellow square of sprinkled pollen? We managed to snap a quick pic of the kids in front of Munch's The Scream, though the guard was clearly not too happy with our irreverence.

We were pleased to see one or two other pieces that we recognised. Tzofia, of course, was the best-informed of all of us, thanks to her extensive art education in kindergarten. She enjoyed seeing some Matisse, Warhol, Van Gogh (which she pronounced the American way: "Van Go"), Monet and her favourite, Pollock. I'm pleased we went - it was on our list of New York-y things to do. But Maya has made it abundantly clear that she has no intention of stepping foot inside another museum for a very long time. She is all museum-ed out. I'm sure they'll all thank us when they're older.

Purim in Teaneck went well. Here are the obligatory costume pics:

A mime, a punk, Hermione Granger and a pirate. Can you spot the theme? Think gematria...

Megilla was quite soon after Shabbat so there wasn't much time for costumes. Avrom asked someone in shul whether adults come dressed up for megilla and he was told that they most certainly do. Who said Americans don't have a sense of humour? That guy must have had a good chuckle to himself as Avrom showed up in a huge red hat, a giant stripey tie and oversized glasses with fake nose. He was one of approximately 3 men in costume that evening. Avrom wasn't bothered. But the kids will never be able to show their faces in that shul ever again.

Another highlight of recent weeks was our trip to see Annie on Broadway. All 6 of us went, and no-one was more excited than Avrom, who, despite a vehement dislike for musicals, couldn't wait to see Annie. The evening was a great success and we can now tick off "Broadway show" from our New York checklist. And hopefully we'll soon be able to afford to buy food again. 

Apologies, by the way, for my absence here in recent weeks. I'd like to say that I haven't had a moment to write because I've been so incredibly busy with my Pesach preparations. But anyone that knows me at all would quickly spot that this is a complete lie. I am just coming to the end of the Denial stage and am now prepared to think about starting the List stage. We are looking forward to having Avrom's brother and family from London joining us for Pesach, so I should probably buy some Pesach utensils and food, as I'm pretty sure they're going to expect to eat when they're here. 

I'm hoping Pesach shopping will be easier here than in Israel. I've already seen whole aisles stacked high with Pesach products in the supermarkets, which definitely beats the Israeli way of scattering the kosher-for-Pesach items around the shop, so the customers need to embark on an elaborate scavenger hunt to locate the correct products. And of course we will barely have to deal with the whole kitniyot issue here. In fact, I realised recently that one of the things I miss about Israel is Sephardim. I have only met one or two Sephardi people since we arrived here. It's quite weird. 

Anyway, I'd better go and search for some Cheerios under the couch. 

Have a great week!

Six Months!!!

Today is our 6-month Teaneck-iversary! Much has happened since that fateful day when we missed our flight at Heathrow airport, and it's all been great. (Except, perhaps, for Hurricane Sandy, which was slightly less great.)

I'm pleased to say that we have found the community here to be incredibly welcoming and hospitable. In our 6 months here so far there has barely been one Shabbat when we haven't been invited out for a meal, which is quite impressive given that Avrom is a vegetarian and therefore an extremely annoying guest. Despite my occasional comments here about Teaneck people and their coffee and manicures, the people that we've met have actually been very down-to-earth, fun and friendly. Both the school (Yeshivat Noam) and the shul (Rinat) have been the perfect choice for us, and we have only encountered exceptionally lovely people.

Of course, now we are in the process of inviting all these lovely people back to us, and we're really enjoying hosting them. The good thing is that I can roll out my standard "first-time-visitors" Shabbat lunch menu every time! Easy!!! I think my own family will start complaining very soon about the repetition, but unless they want to take over the cooking responsibilities, I'm not interested in their whinging. (I expect some of my friends back home are mumbling to themselves that my "second-time-visitors" and "third-time-visitors" Shabbat lunch menus aren't noticeably different from my "first-time-visitors" menu. To be fair, there is some truth to that.)

This Shabbat we were delighted to host another visitor from abroad. A friend from Israel was in the US for work and needed a place to stay for Shabbat. Despite wracking his brain for an alternative venue he ended up with us here in Teaneck. We had a great time catching up and he was even willing to join in a game of  "Apples to Apples" with the kids after dinner on Friday night, despite being completely exhausted, and at certain points of the game, actually asleep. He also amazed the kids with his record-breaking shul-going over the weekend - I don't think they even realized there were so many shul services available. In an impressive show of hospitality, Avrom agreed to accompany him on Shabbat morning for the BEGINNING of shul. I'm pretty sure Avrom has never seen the beginning of Shacharit before, so I was a little nervous that he wouldn't know what to do. In the event, they even had time for some pre-shacharit piyutim, as Avrom got the times wrong and they showed up 15 minutes before the start. Avrom was delighted, of course.

This weekend was President's Day weekend, so we had Sunday and Monday free for wholesome family fun. We spent some of the time finalising Purim costumes and mishloach manot. It's several days before Purim and we are almost ready. This is unheard of. Well done Gilberts! We also managed to find some fun things to do in New York, but the options were severely limited as it was unbelievably freezing and windy outside. I am now officially bored with this cold weather. I don't know why people put up with it. There is a limit to how many museums and art galleries one can shlep one's kids (and husband) to without them (him) complaining. (During one of these outings this weekend we encountered a stall run by the "Harry Potter Exhibition". When Tzofia and I asked them some questions about it, they gave us some very strange looks before answering. I realized that they thought that we were putting on our British accents, just like they were.)

That's all for now. We are looking forward to Purim, Teaneck-style. Hope everyone has a good one!
פורים שמח!!

How American Are We?

Hello everyone.

Now that we've been here for a pretty significant chunk of time, some people back home have been wondering whether we've started to become very "Teaneck". (I know they've been wondering that because they've actually asked me.)

Well, for a start, I am still perfectly capable of going about my daily business without a huge cup of Starbucks in my hand, so I think I'm doing OK. I marvel at the women I see walking around doing the most unlikely, and frankly inconvenient, things with a cup of coffee in hand. It's tricky to manoeuvre a shopping trolley (=cart) around the narrow aisles of the kosher supermarket while holding a cup of scalding coffee. It's almost impossible to carry a baby in a car-seat, a big bag of bagels and a cup of hot coffee AND hold a 2 year-old's hand while crossing the road, and yet I have witnessed this very act myself. Everywhere I go I seem to come across more and more daredevil acts of coffee addiction. At the beginning of our trip here I asked one of the locals which is the better of the two local Targets. She was adamant that one was "much more fun" because it has a Starbucks.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not anti-coffee - I'm just not very good at juggling coffee with trolleys and children and a handbag and shopping bags and credit cards and keys and phones, and I'm not sure I'm prepared to put in the practice to become good at it. I'll just have my coffee sitting down, thanks.

I can honestly say that I haven't had even one manicure since I've been here. And I've only had that one disastrous haircut, which I'm pleased to say has finally grown out. Plus, the clothes shopping overwhelms me. So, grooming-wise, I'm not exactly typical Teaneck. As for the kids, they try not to stick out as the Israelis in town, and their American accents are passable when required, though they STILL get a kick out of being the novelty Brits. They are very good at reading and speaking Hebrew with a thick American accent, just the way they hear it in school. I'm sorry but it's really not a pleasant sound. I know they only do it to wind me up, but it really works.

I don't think Avrom has really embraced the Teaneck thing - he has no interest in sport in general, let alone American sport, and will not be drawn into a conversation about it. (We tried to watch the Superbowl on Sunday night. Didn't make it past Beyonce, I'm afraid.) However, he can talk a good talk about the Jewish school fees (=tuition) "crisis", so he's half-way there. We were warned before we came that sport and school fees were the only two topics discussed over Shabbat meals, and I must say that was a scarily accurate assessment.

We are still trying our best to take advantage of Sundays. This week we spent Sunday afternoon at MOMI - the Museum of the Moving Image, in New York, which was fun and a little bit educational. The highlights were seeing the bodysuit worn by Robin Williams in Mrs Doubtfire and one of Bill Cosby's famous sweaters, making our own stop-motion animation films and being the voice of Dorothy in a scene from the Wizard of Oz.

Last Sunday was Avrom's birthday, so we played a bit of glow-in-the-dark minigolf and then came home and played with our new chocolate fountain, which I had found in the clearance aisle in Bed, Bath and Beyond. I felt that a chocolate fountain would substantially add to our American experience - and it really did.

In the evening of Avrom's birthday, Avrom and I went out to see a show. I'm sure you are picturing us sitting in a beautiful theatre on Broadway enjoying some fabulous musical. Well, that's not quite an accurate depiction. Someone from Avrom's work recommended a show called Fuerza Bruta, so he booked a couple of tickets. Unfortunately, it turned out that the show was far too cool for the likes of us. First, there were no seats. At all. The audience stood for the entire performance in the middle of the theatre, being herded around the area like cattle, while the show took place around us. I'm not going to attempt a proper review of the show, except to say that there was lots of really weird stuff, coupled with some very annoying music and flashing lights. I can honestly say that I didn't have the first clue what was happening at any point, and I suspect that a certain amount of alcohol or drugs were a prerequisite for appreciating what these people were doing. It was definitely the closest thing to a rave that we'll ever see. I don't think we were the target audience....

The good thing is that any show we see from now on will almost certainly be a positive experience. The bar has been set pretty low: As long as I can sit down, I will consider it a successful evening.

That's all there is to report for now. Gearing up here for a traditional Teaneck Purim. Should be interesting.

Have a great week!

Winter vacation!

Well, it's been a fun-packed week here in the freezing US. In a sneaky move by the Jewish schools over here, they take ten days off towards the end of January, rather than in December over the festive season. The official reason is that Jewish schools should not be bound by non-Jewish holidays, etc, etc, etc, but I think we all know that the real reason is that holidays are cheaper when it's off-peak.

So off we went on Monday to a place called "Great Wolf Lodge", a huge indoor waterpark complex about an hour away, in Pennsylvania. As you can imagine this place was swarming with like-minded modern orthodox American families. We knew it would be a bit of a "scene", but luckily we don't know very many people in this country so we could wander around enjoying blissful anonymity. Of course, this was not the case for most of the American crowd, who could be seen dodging old camp buddies and ex-girlfriends at every turn. In fact, a friend here said that Great Wolf Lodge during the winter vacation is like "shul in a swimsuit". I think a slightly more accurate description would be "shul in a burkini". Any woman there in normal swimming attire must have felt like a freak!

Food was nice and easy. In true American, "let's make everything ultra-convenient"-style, there were not one, but TWO kosher restaurants delivering food to the hotel every evening. Order by 2pm and receive your dinner at 6pm. It may have been cold and soggy, but it just about passed as food and it meant that we didn't have to worry about cooking, so we embraced it.

In addition to the insane water slides, wave pool, jacuzzis and general swimming fun, the hotel and surrounding area had lots of other family-friendly facilities and the kids really had a blast. And of course, by "kids" I mean Avrom. This holiday was the realisation of his dream - huge waterslides and an afternoon of snowtubing.

For the uninitiated, snowtubing is when you hurtle down a snow-covered hill sitting in a big rubber ring. Sounds like fun, right? For some reason, and despite his usual cautious, risk-averse nature, Avrom had been dreaming of doing this since we came in August, and he was thrilled to discover that the country's largest snowtubing park was only five minutes from our hotel. I'm not sure what my kids spiked my coffee with yesterday morning but by 2pm I somehow found myself at the top of a hill, rubber ring in hand, and nowhere to go but down. So down I went, and it was absolutely terrifying. I discovered that it was slightly less terrifying when I went in a "train" with other members of the family as the rubber ring didn't turn around, so I forced a reluctant Tzofia to go with me every time. She actually realised early on that it was all a lot less petrifying if you keep your eyes tight shut. Very wise words.

We went up and down, repeating this process for about an hour and a half, with Eitan and Avrom trying ever-more daring techniques, such as head-first, on the stomach, backwards etc. I kept gently reminding Avrom that he's an old man and needs to be careful, but there was no talking to him and he brazenly ignored my pleas. Thankfully, he somehow managed to survive the experience with all his limbs intact, as did the rest of the family. Luckily, the weather was on my side, as it was a cool minus 15 degrees Celsius (about 5 degrees Fahrenheit), so we had to leave slightly earlier than Avrom had hoped, in order to avoid our blood actually freezing inside our veins. Here's a pic of the Gilberts, pre-reckless behaviour. As you can see, I was still smiling at this point.

We left Great Wolf Lodge today, after 3 days of fun. It was a good holiday and a great place to go, though if you happen to be reading this and you're not Jewish, I would recommend you avoid the 3rd week of January.

Have a great week everyone!

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Late again...

Sorry - no excuses this time. I'm just getting lazy.

All is fine here. Getting through the winter. We are still not enjoying the cold weather. But we are getting a thrill out of the fact that the house is actually warm (unlike in Israel) and it is generally sunny here (unlike in England), despite the temperature.

I seem to have spent a fair amount of time shopping here recently. I still find myself in the supermarket more often than I'd like. This week I noticed something quite strange in my local supermarket. They sell scrubs - the clothes that surgeons and other medical types wear in hospitals. It struck me as odd to see them on sale in the supermarket. Anyway, I got one for each of us. You never know...

By far the most entertaining thing in my local supermarket here is the fresh vegetable section. Periodically, the vegetables in the fridge get automatically sprayed with a light mist, presumably to keep them fresh. That's not the funny bit. For some reason, the people running this supermarket decided that it would be an excellent idea to add some sound effects to this process. So, every few minutes you hear the sound of crashing thunder as the vegetables are sprayed. It is actually hilarious. I should really film it for you all. It cracks me up every time I go there. People must think I'm a bit deranged as I chuckle to myself while choosing my broccoli.

In other news, Leora and I went to see the Les Miserables film last week. I thought of going with Avrom, but I was worried that his snoring might be distracting for everyone else. (Also, I really couldn't be bothered to explain the story to him.) Leora and I were pretty excited and the film did not disappoint. Unfortunately there was a ton of traffic so we only just made it in time, and ended up sitting in the third row. [Side note: Why don't they have assigned seating in US cinemas? Is the freedom to choose where you sit protected by one of the amendments? Wouldn't be surprised...] One thing you should know about this Les Miz film is that it is full of VERY close shots of the actors. Sitting in Row 3, Leora and I at times felt dangerously close to Hugh Jackman's nostrils. Anyway, loved the film, did not love Russell Crowe. See this 1.5-minute clip for details (If you receive this by email, you may need to click through to the blog to see this clip.):

Talking about films, I have had fun here over the last few weeks, showing my kids some movies that I believe they should see. So far, we've been through The Sound of Music, ET, Back to the Future and half of Oliver! Sunday evenings are particularly good for this (sorry, Israelis - didn't mean to rub it in) and it makes me feel like I am giving my children an education, of sorts. It almost doesn't count as screen time, right? Somehow, Avrom has missed all of these so far, due to work trips, but I'll make sure to include him next time. It was funny to watch ET and Back to the Future with the kids. They kept laughing at how backwards life was in the 80s. They definitely succeeded in making me feel really old and decrepit.

Anyway, I'd better go and put my teeth in and take out my curlers.
Have a great week!

Absence Explained

Hi everyone,

Sorry I've been out of touch for a little while. I didn't manage to write anything last Sunday evening as we were too busy celebrating my parents' 50th wedding anniversary. Fifty years - that's a long time! Woohoo - mazal tov (and well done) to them!!! Actually, to be more precise, on Sunday evening we were too busy recovering from the celebrations, which took place in London, on Sunday afternoon. I'm very pleased to report that all aspects of the festivities went very well indeed, better than the wedding itself, in fact, which took place at the start of the "Big Freeze" in London in the winter of 1962, under 6 feet of snow.

We flew in from here on Christmas Day, and my sister and her family came in from Australia. (I also have 2 siblings who actually live in London.) My one-and-only uncle also flew in from the US, which was a lot of fun for everyone. It was the first time all 10 of my parents' grandchildren had ever been together, and it was a very special few days. We put together a few cheesy songs about my parents, to the tunes of some of the classics from The Sound of Music. They were well received, but I will spare your eyes and ears and refrain from posting a link to the "performance". You had to be there...and luckily for the majority of you, you weren't.

The rest of the 6-day trip was a whirlwind of visiting and being visited by family, and seeing a few old friends. We didn't try any ambitious day trips and managed to stay in north-west London the entire time. Easy! For the first time ever, we greatly enjoyed the weather in London which was several very significant degrees higher than the insane winter temperatures we have recently become accustomed to here in Teaneck. It was great not to have to take our ski gloves with us every time we left the house. But of course it was still miserable and gloomy and depressing as only England can be.

I am very proud to say that we made it onto our correct return flight to JFK, and avoided a repeat performance of the shameful flight-missing debacle back in August. But it was obvious that my children have  lost that awe and respect that kids usually have for their parents' innate ability to successfully navigate the travelling process. This time, we just let the children take charge - I can no longer be trusted. Avrom, of course, is a seasoned traveller, but, crucially, he is used to travelling alone, and that is quite a different experience from travelling with 5 family members, some of whom are quite small and have rather short legs that can't keep up with his freakishly long ones. He is also not used to having to converse and interact with people on aeroplanes, especially people such as his wife, or other close relatives. He does not appreciate this particular duty.

Coming back from London to our place here, instead of going back to Ra'anana, was a little odd. It wasn't quite like coming home, but it was nicely familiar and - once the heating was on - quite cozy. And I was pleased to be reacquainted with my over-sized washing machine. It was nice to have been in a place for a week where people didn't think we talked funny and we could buy proper Cadbury's chocolate whenever we fancied. On the other hand I think the children were quite happy to return to their lovely American school and their mini-celebrity status as exotic foreigners.

I took the kids into school at around 9.30 the morning after we arrived back, and Tzofia slipped straight into her Zumba class. Yes - Zumba for 5-year olds. Welcome back to America!